Togas, Cupcakes and Stinkbombs

Shamelessly, I have lifted the following from www.librarian.net, because it made me smile. It is about the great Library of Alexandria, which came into being around 300 BC,and  which was the first known library of its kind to gather a serious collection of books from beyond its country's borders – in fact, was charged with collecting all the world's knowledge:

  " It contained a great repository of writings from all over the world and a lot of fat and happy librarians who got to wear long flowing comfortable robes and didn't even have a need for so-called "casual" Fridays.

The Library of Alexandria had zero public access terminals and no photocopying machine. Life was good. 

It was burned to the ground, a few times, by people who hate freedom.

This was the start of the great librarian scowl, and lousy work clothes.

And, since enemies of our enemies are our friends, we now love the freedom to read."

In fact we don't really know what did for the Library of Alexandria. But I do know that if I was a 2nd-Century-BC author of a Work Of Staggering Genius that reposed there and nowhere else*, and hadn't, you know, backed up...well, I'd have been pretty fed up. And the fact is, WE WILL NEVER KNOW  what was lost, when that library burned down, or whatever happened to it.

Now, some would say that the Internet is our modern equivalent: the ultimate collection of the world's knowledge. And it's true that it is an incredible mind-boggling resource that has revolutionised our lives. But to say that now we have the Internet we don't need books is a bit like saying that now we have cars we don't need wheels. And to be fair, no one's actually saying that – quite. What they are saying – and some of them are people in positions of power – is that we can afford to get rid of libraries.

Well I've blogged about this before, and I make no apologies for doing so again. Less than a year ago, author Alan Gibbons (below) started the Campaign for the Book; already it is making real changes, and we have just had its first ever conference.

But there's much more to do. We are still losing libraries, and as one speaker pointed out, once it's gone, it's gone: "the spider's web cannot be put back together by hand". We heard of at least one new school that has been built with no library in it. Cicero is famously quoted as saying "a room without books is like a body without a soul": well, what does that make a school without a library? Author Beverley Naidoo said "Britain is being barbarized". Coming from someone who grew up in a segregated South Africa, and whose first book was banned there, that is worrying indeed.

Books are your individual window on the world, a prism through which you can interpret it in your own unique way. As was also said at the conference (and apologies, I didn't attribute all of my notes): "reading a book is a creative relationship between one mind and another". The same cannot be said of the Internet. We were mostly librarians and authors at the conference; that's me with authors Bernard Ashley, Lucy Coats and below that, me and Linda Newbery in matching dangly necklaces.  And among the speakers were Frank Cottrell Boyce, Celia Rees and Gillian Cross.  But EVERYONE can do their bit, whether in matching dangly necklaces or not. 

Libraries are the cornerstones of our civilization, so if you know of a school or a local authority that is facing cuts, EMAIL ME ABOUT IT. I will make a stink, and if I know of any authors in the region, I will make sure they do too! Don't stand for this! Seriously. Let's all make a stink together. I'll come round to your house, we'll make stink bombs and then we'll let them off outside the councillor's office. Won't that be grand! 

And there'll be the added bonus of making librarians happy, like those ones in Alexandria before the fire. We can make them fat too, if we want, by making them cupcakes – though I'm not sure we can persuade them to wear togas.

You can also petition the Prime Minister to make school libraries statutory: go to http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/literacy .

I'll leave you with this thought: In 1948, George Orwell wrote a scary futuristic book called Nineteen Eighty-Four. Maybe you've heard of it. Two TV programmes have taken their titles from concepts in this book: Big Brother and Room 101. It's a truly great book that's scary for many reasons, not least because it depicts a world in which there is no freedom of information. And Big Brother, who's watching you all the time, and his Inner Party, use Newspeak, "the only language in the world whose vocabulary gets smaller every year." A key characteristic of Newspeak is calling something the opposite of what it actually is; so the "Ministry of Peace" actually deals with war, and so on.  I thought of Nineteen Eighty-Four when I was at the conference, because of some of the official governmental terminology that was quoted:

budget cuts = 'funding prioritisation'

library closures = 'strategic asset review'

And finally there is 'library', which apparently is a dirty word, and so needs to be called something else, like 'learning resource centre'. What is WRONG with "library"??!

So like I say; we need to club together on this and make a stand, before it's too late. Stink bombs, cupcakes and togas at the ready!!

*Quite likely, since in those days it never took less than 200 years for authors to become widely known – and authors complain about publishing being slow now. Sheesh!

The Spirit of the Times


Zeitgeist [tsite-guyst]

Noun

the spirit or general outlook of a specific time or period [German, literally: time spirit]
(Image from artwork for The Smashing Pumpkins' album, 'Zeitgeist'.)

A Facebook friend of mine posts daily updates, giving his favourite word for that day, like 'corpuscle' or 'quango'. Funny how we form attachments to certain words just because we enjoy saying them, regardless of their associations. 'Zeitgeist' is one that has this effect on me – though it's not a word I routinely drop into my conversation, as I suspect that if I did that I'd sound pompous and high-falutin' (two other terms, incidentally, that have a high Fun Factor).

My agent and Orchard editors have often described my writing as 'zeitgeisty', i.e. it embodies the spirit of the times – which is a jolly good thing, I reckon. This is at least partly due to the fact that I absorb huge amounts of daily STUFF, good, bad and indifferent, from newspapers, TV, the Internet, books, magazines...the lot. And lately, events have been occurring that seem like something out of one of one of my books.

Take the Susan Boyle phenomenon. In the sort of alternate-future world of my Silk Sisters books, 'celebrities' have become so disposable that the only way to deal with the has-beens is to dump them all in a sort of Disneyland 'Beverly Hills' pumped full of happy drugs, so that they can go on believing they still have hordes of adoring fans.
Now, Susan still has plenty of fans, but the past week has been something of a nightmare for her. 'Boyle has simply suffered a more accelerated version of a common musical journey, from unknown to Priory in seven weeks rather than the months it takes hardened professionals,' said Mark Lawson in The Guardian. 'Television, most voracious of mediums, just chewed and spat out another innocent,' said Quentin Letts; similarly, a Yahoo journalist said she was 'just another victim of the celebrity machine. It sucks them in, uses them, and then spits them out: used and worthless.' (Incidentally, the best article I've read on the subject of Susan Boyle is by Howard Jacobson and can be found here .) Well folks, you saw it all here first, in the character of Gula in the Silk Sisters trilogy!

In my Lulu Baker trilogy I have, in the character of Varaminta le Bone, another washed-up 'celebrity'; an over-the-hill supermodel, desperate to cling onto the limelight (don'tcha just love mixing your metaphors?) After disappointing sales of her diet book 'How To Be As Thin As Me', she turns to the celebrity magazines in an attempt to gain publicity. Trouble is, she needs to DO something in order to interest them, so she decides to Have a Wedding; all she needs next is to find a candidate for Husband. This is where poor Lulu's dad comes in, the unwitting pawn in Varaminta's game. The role of celebrity magazines (something which didn't exist in my youth) in the lives of some prominent figures (pun intended) is quite disturbing; witness the recent collapse of the marriage between Jordan/Katie Price/Whatever and Peter Andre. Having your every waking moment recorded for public consumption seems to become, for some people, the only reason to do anything in the first place, and the price (oh dear, another pun) of such a lifestyle can be great.
In contrast, I notice something happening in the fashion world that's actually positive; in this instance, a TV programme that carries the same message as The Silk Sisters: namely, can we stop just throwing stuff away, please? Hurray, then, for Mary Queen of Charity Shops! Mary Portas, probably the nearest thing we have to my fictional character Nolita Newbuck in my Silk Sisters books, says 'People are aware of the need for sustainability, the importance of re-use, the greener option. So why are charity shops failing to perform well?’ She's out to do something about that.

I'm grateful to John Lloyd of Bookbag for his very positive and thoughtful review of Tiger-Lily Gold; however, I do have to take issue with one of his comments: 'This could have been a stinging rant against modern celeb-culture...Instead it uses those when it needs to...there is [no] serious attempt to get readers to abandon their weekly shopping trips and think again.' No?? OK, I don't want to give away the ending, but hang on a minute! The public are increasingly at the mercy of powerful corporate machine Rexco, which is robbing them of their identities. This is in part down to the rampant consumerism they generate: you are what you buy. It defines you. So that's the baddy; the goodies are the parents of Rorie and Elsie who, just before they go missing, were on the point of introducing revolutionary Smart clothing technology capable of transforming itself into different styles and renewing its cellular structure, thus dramatically reducing the need for new clothing production. There is absolutely NO DOUBT as to whose side I'm on, and I would hope the dramatic events provoke some thought on the subject!

It's true that I don't want to kill fashion: I love it! Any idea that it should be done away with is preposterous. What I hate is the accelerated consumer machine it has become, the third-world sweat shops producing bargain clothes for decadent westerners to wear for a season and discard.

Anyway, off the soapbox now. My primary aim is to entertain, but if I haven't also made you think a bit about these wider issues, then I haven't succeeded in what I set out to do. It's all very well embodying the zeitgeist, but simply mirroring the world around you is a singularly uninteresting thing to do; you need teeth. So...over to you. Did I succeed or fail? Am I toothless, or do I have bite?

IDEAS!!
Revealed at last!
Where I get my ideas from.

PLUS: Your ideas!



I've made a movie! Of course, it's not the first. I was in a film called The Music Machine (1979. "So bad it's good!"*) but seeing as that came and went faster than a recent glimmer of economic hope, and as I'm one of about 200 dancers and on screen for all of about five seconds, you could be forgiven for having missed that one. [If your mum happens to be Patti Boulaye and you have a copy, I'm the one in the moss-green pencil skirt suit from Bus Stop, and some highly impractical heels.]

The great thing about the world of YouTube is that you get to make your own movie, and be the STAR!! Nobody out-shines me in this film, because...well, because there's nobody else in it. Though the editor, Candy Gourlay, is the hidden star and it would have been rubbish without her wit and technical wizardry. *Little bit of trivia*: the music is by a band called Bon Bon Kaotikai, featuring, on the accordion, Geoff Morgan, the widower of the lovely late author Siobhan Dowd. Here are the Bon Bons playing in their swimming costumes, like you do:

Anyway, do take a look at my vid. And I'd love it if you posted a comment too!

*Wrong. So bad it's bad, actually.

You Clever Lot

Well done to all of you who won copies of Tiger-Lily Gold! I hope you enjoy the final romp home, and all the surprises along the way...well, I certainly hope they are surprises. Some of you also submitted your ideas about what might happen in this book. Thank you; I enjoyed reading them and can reveal this much: you're all wrong, ha ha! But you are also very clever in that you've really thought about all aspects of the plot so far, and have some interesting angles on the possibilities:

"Rorie and Elsie escape again and they steal more worn clothes and more types of transportation, this time they take Nolita with them and they continue on their quest to find their parents. On the way they get caught stealing something and it goes to the police, Nolita has to go to court, but with a helping hand Rorie and Elsie manage to smuggle her out. Once they have tiptoed past the rexco guards, they find their parents, but it isn't that easy to do. After a day of planning they manage to break in and reunite with their parents!"

Jessica Lavery, Chorley Lancashire

"I'm going to work with what i know as i've only read the first book (Excellent book by the way). I think maybe the silk sisters might go on the hunt for another relative or discover something else Rorie can do with her abilities. Maybe Rorie might have a problem keeping her secret or they might find another lead which will take them closer to the mystery of their parents...The list is endless really!"

Hannah Abban, Hackney, London

"I think that Nolita Newbuck played a part in their parents disappearance because I have always thought that she seemed a bit suspicious and thinking about it now, I think that she heard about them inventing really cool clothes, therefore seeing it as a threat to her that they might become bigger and better than her and become the new King and Queen of fashion instead of her!!"

Charlotte Mullarkey, Exeter, Devon

"I think that Rorie & Elsie will look every-where for their parents and uncover some awful secrets about Uncle Harris, Rexco, the machine that robs people of their identities, Minimerica and maybe more about Nolita Newbuck! And when they can’t find their parents, inspector Dixon will say in the news that they have miraculously appeared in their own home and when Rorie & Elsie see them again and they’ll say, “We’ve been here all the time!”And they will both wake up from their wonderful dream, and realise that they are once more in the back of a car, but their parents rescue them with their new invention."

Madeline Helyar, Wagga Wagga, Australia* *Madeline qualified as she is visiting relatives in London, where her copy has been sent. But I love the fact that it will end up in Wagga Wagga.

Competition Time!


OK, at last the moment has come: Tiger-lily Gold is about to hit the shops. Official publication date is May 6th, but you may find it sooner than that; I know at least one local independent bookshop that has copies in stock now.

So, to celebrate, I have ten* signed copies to give away! All you have to do is answer three questions about my Silk Sisters books; email them to me at fidunbar@yahoo.co.uk, giving me your full name and address, including postcode – or that of your school, if you prefer. If you are one of the first ten to get the answers right, a copy will be in the post to you, complete with dedication!

NB Sorry, but this competition is only open to readers in the UK.

The questions are:

1. What is the name of the 'Queen of Fashion', who takes Rorie and Elsie in at the end of Pink Chameleon?

2. What kind of work do Rorie and Elsie's parents do?

3. What year is the story set in? Is it:

a) 2050
b) 2109
c) I deliberately don't give a year.

For a fun bonus point, tell me in 100 words or less what you think might happen in Tiger-Lily Gold. You won't get an extra prize, but I'll enjoy reading your answers and if I get any really interesting ones, I'll put them in my next blog post!

I hope you enjoy this, the last title in my Silk Sisters trilogy. I worked hard for you, you know; I fretted and agonized and lay awake at night, trying to work out, 'how on earth do I get them out of this one?' I even thought, at times, 'that's it: I've told everyone it's a trilogy, I've done two books but I can't do number three...I can't! And now I shall be exposed as a fraud and everyone will hate me. They will march up to my house and throw their copies of Pink Chameleon and Blue Gene Baby back at me in disgust. So yes; I hope you appreciate the suffering and torment I endured, all for your benefit! (Not that I want you to feel bad, or anything...)

Anyway I DID find the answers...eventually. There's always an answer, you know; always a way out of a sticky situation. Remember that. I may not have put this on my writing tips page in so many words – though I do suggest you throw obstacles in your protagonist's way – but take it from one who has made things seemingly impossible for her characters many times over: you'll be amazed at your own inventiveness. Seriously. Necessity is the mother of invention, and all that.

Do please look at my writing tips page, by the way. I know that many of you are keen writers, but unfortunately I cannot read your manuscripts as I just don't have the time. I do say this on the writing tips page – and will now go and put it on the contact page as well. Happy writing! I lied, it's not agony, it's FUN, honest!

* NB: THIS COMPETITION IS NOW CLOSED

Oh Goody! Another Distraction



OK I told myself I would wait till this evening to do this, but I have a busy evening ahead of me, am waiting to hear from my editor on something, and...in no time there will be a million other reasons not to do it. So here goes: the splendid Lucy Coats (Hootcat Hill out in paperback this week, people!) has nominated this blog for the Sisterhood Award! Which I'd never heard of. And I'm wondering who started it, and whether it was Ann Brashares, author of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...? (A title I dearly would have liked to come up with).

No matter.

So now my job is to nominate ten other 'sisters' whose blogs I like. My list overlaps considerably with Lucy's, a fact for which I make no apology at all. So here goes:

Bookwitch I could easily nomintate her twice over, because she is the very same witch who writes about Culture over on another blog. But I want to mention my other nine favourites as well, so will settle for putting her at the top of the list. Bookwitch is fast becoming legendary in the children's/young adult book world. Living in a gingerbread house in the woods somewhere in darkest Cheshire, she occasionally gets on her broom and whizzes off to book launches around the country. Here terrified authors vie with each other to befriend her, lest she take against them in some way and mutter spells in an obscure Swedish/Mancunian dialect, upon which their next book will be a flop. In between such visits, she sits beside her bubbling cauldron reading books and writing about them. She has also gathered a truly impressive range of author interviews. Check it out!

Candy Gourlay Her Notes from the Slushpile website is an absolute must-read for writers, and not just yet-to-be-published ones. It has been rumoured that Candy doesn't in fact exist at all but is the invention of a consortium of six different people – an author, a website designer, a cartoonist, a mother of three, a film-maker, and a person-who-spends-inordinate-amounts-of-time-on-YouTube, so you don't have to. I can lay this particular rumour to rest, as I have actually met her and can tell you that she is in fact able to do all six of these things, although unfortunately her children are frequently to be found on the streets of Holloway, begging to be fed by passing strangers.

Lucy Coats I am nominating Lucy as well, of course, and not just because she nominated me, but because she and her dog really know how to blog. Yes, she has a Dog Who Blogs, which I believe is the canine equivalent of Ladies Who Lunch. I have known Lucy for some time, but only Virtually, so it came as some shock just this past weekend when I met the analogue version and I was amazed to find that she is an actual three-dimensional, living, breathing person. Here we are with a bunch of other brilliant writers and bloggers: from left to right: Mary Hoffman, Kath Langrish, Liz Kessler, Lucy Coats, moi and Joe Friedman. Which leads me neatly onto ABBA. No, not the 70's Swedish singing group (who would have got absolutely nowhere if it had not been for CultureWitch's rigging of the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest) but a loosely-knit gang of balaclava-clad outlaws and occasional writers who blog about writing under the title of An Awfully Big Blog Adventure. The fact that Lucy Coats is one of them in no way disqualifies them, because for the purpose of this nomination we shall IGNORE her. Likewise the fact that some of them are rumoured to be men (this is a SISTERHOOD award), since those people are outnumbered by women roughly 5-1. Everyone who contributes to this blog is far brainier than me (including Kath Langrish, also featured in the picture above) which is why I wouldn't dare appear there. And...yes, they blog about writing, which actually means they blog about Everything, so it's an endlessly fascinating read. They keep quiet about their criminal work, naturally.

Mary Hoffman OK, it's about time I `fessed up: I want to be Mary Hoffman. I labour under the pathetic delusion that if I spend enough time around her, some of that sparkling brilliance will rub off on me. In no time I'll be exchanging quips in Italian with Florentine aristocrats, dashing off the odd 5,000 words of the sequel to my bestseller before reading and reviewing half a dozen novels over lunch, then nipping up to Stratford to catch the latest Hamlet, which I know practically verbatim. Alas, I fear it is never to be; likewise I suspect I shall never be as incredibly Organised as she is, and am destined always to get red reminders for the electricity bill. So the best I can hope for is to live her life vicariously, through her blog.

* STOP PRESS! * The above link takes you to Mary's diary, as distinct from her brand new book blog. Take a look! What a busy lady she is.

Liz Kessler Once again, I make no apologies for duplicating Lucy's list here, because this is lovely stuff. In fact, I read Liz's blog for the same reason I do Mary's: because I wish that I too was traveling around Europe in a campervan with my pal and my dalmation (I don't have a dalmation, but if I were to do this, I think one would be required, somehow). She doesn't add posts often enough for my liking, but that's because she's got better things to do, like going surfing at some glorious Andalucian beach, having barbecue parties or wandering around Barcelona. I'm GREEN with envy at her carefree lifestyle, so I waste no time in gloating at her on Facebook when it's raining there but sunny here.


Amanda Craig Amanda, the famous Titian-haired novelist, Times reviewer and journalist, has held out a remarkably long time before venturing into the blogosphere – perhaps because, like me, she was afraid of being swallowed up by the Blog Monster (see my very first post). I for one am delighted that she's finally caved in. I suspect, though, that she's still a bit afraid of the Blog Monster (I see she hasn't blogged for a week, so she's slacking already) so the best thing you can do is go there and post lots of comments about how brilliant she is, and she really mustn't worry about the fact that nobody's paying her to do it. In any case she also has a new novel coming out that's bound to be a huge success: it's called Hearts and Minds; apparently it's a Big London Novel, and I can't wait to read it.

Nina Killham I haven't known Nina for very long; we first met at a party to celebrate the election of Barack Obama last year (she's American; I'm married to an American). But I feel as if I've known her a lot longer – as indeed I should have done, since she's lived only about three streets away from me for the past several years. Despite the fact that she is an extremely glamorous ex Hollywood screenwriter (OK, secretary at Columbia Studios) she does not have her head up her own backside; on the contrary, she is very funny, doing a nice line in self-deprecating humour. I haven't read her books yet, because for some reason they're not published over here yet (wake up, UK publishers!) Here's hoping they will be before long.


Sarah McIntyre I love Sarah's work. She is an illustrator, creator of the Vern & Lettuce strip that first appeared in the DFC (the brilliant but endangered David Fickling Comic; somebody please come to the rescue there! We LOVE the DFC) and is now in the Saturday Guardian, and all-round fab, talented girl. Her blog is wonderfully random, full of doodles and digressions. Check out her superb website as well.

Wilf You'll have to take it on faith that Wilf is actually a woman. To be honest, I'm taking this on faith myself since, uniquely among my nominees, she's the one I've never actually met. In fact I don't even know what she looks like, because even though she's a Facebook friend of mine she was for a long time hiding behind a beard, and now she's a cartoon. I know her name, of course, but I'm not telling you what it is because it appears to be Secret. Anyway, her alter-ego Wilf is a very funny aspiring astronaut and general science geek with an irrational hatred of people called Alan. I'm a bit worried about Wilf now, though, because he's been gone a long time, being paid real money to catalogue his grandpa's teeth. I hope he comes back soon...who knows, maybe in book form?

NOW! IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY NOMINEES, PLEASE GO AHEAD AND....

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate at least 10 favourite blogs of your own.

3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Link to this post to the person from whom you received your award.

Not Very Nice

Generally speaking, people tend to think of themselves as being, you know, nice. That is to say, good; having the right sort of opinions on things, being kind to others, not being spiteful or mean. And mostly they're right; I have enough of a positive outlook on life to believe that, by and large, there are more OK people out there than not-OK people.

But there is a problem with niceness, and it is this: ask yourself how you'd like to be remembered after you're gone. Would you want to be remembered for your niceness? I mean, all right, yes, you're kind to people and you hope that's appreciated, but...is that all? Hmm. I doubt it. I expect you'd prefer to be remembered for being a great actor, or sporting hero, or perhaps for saving people's lives. As for me, just for the record, I DON'T want to be remembered as that nice lady who wrote pink books, OK? Or, for that matter, as the pink lady who wrote nice books.

My books aren't nice.

I DO hope they are good; I strive hard to make sure they are the best work I can produce. I hope they entertain, and perhaps even prompt a bit of reflection. But NICE? Pah!

What's got me onto this particular train of thought? I'm not entirely sure, but some time around the back end of last week I did get on a train to Doncaster, so maybe that has something to do with it. I was going there for the Doncaster Children's Book Award, and I suppose any time I'm the focus of media attention (daarling!) I start to muse and fret over how my work and I are perceived, partly because I will insist on grinning all the time, and my books are sparkly and pretty.

Anyway, I was going to the Doncaster Award because Pink Chameleon was long-listed for it (there's me on stage at Doncaster, above). I was especially pleased for this to happen with this particular title, because its pinkness has been known to put off persons of the male persuasion. And I was glad that several boys bought copies for themselves, and also that a few of them reviewed it for the Award.
Liam from Year 6, Hatfield Woodhouse Primary School said:
"I read this book before it is so awesome you have to read it!!"
Kyle from Year 10, Ridgewood School, said:
"At first when I saw this book, I was completely put off reading it. Why? Basically, because it's a pink book. But this is where the saying 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' comes in. It truely is a great book once you get into it."


















Thanks, Liam and Kyle! But what makes it 'awesome' and 'great'? Not niceness, I can assure you! No: like all the books I've written so far, it was fuelled at least in part by ANGER. And no, I'm not going to explain exactly what I was angry about and why, because if I have to do that, then what's the point of writing my books? I've said what I have to say; it's all in there. Go away, read them, and figure it out for yourself. There: you see? I'm not about bland, fluffy niceness. So now! I may look harmless, but then so does this kitten (right) but really it is a vicious, murderous beast.

OK, I'm not a vicious, murderous beast, but I hope you get the point. And the only reason I grin all the time instead of looking moody and interesting is because if I try to do moody and interesting I look as if I'm about to burst into tears. I can't help it; I just have that sort of face.
Have fun reading my books by all means (and here I will shamelessly shoehorn in another review I liked, because this is MY blog and I CAN: Megan from Year 6, Montagu School, Mexborough, says,"on one chapter I went through about twenty tissues and then the next i was almost wetting my pants." Excellent! Thanks Megan: just the effect I was aiming for.) But there's other stuff going on there as well, if you look for it; more so, actually, as you go through the Silk Sisters trilogy. And by the way, to the one young reviewer who was annoyed that everything wasn't all wrapped up by the end of Book One, I say; what would be the point of my writing books two and three, then?

I should probably mention that Pink Chameleon didn't with the Doncaster Book Award; that accolade went to Benjamin Zephaniah's book Teacher's Dead. I haven't read it, but I'm sure it's very good, and you should read it if you haven't already. Zephaniah himself was unable to attend, and I was disappointed not to meet him as I have long been an admirer of his work; I did, however, meet Ed Miliband, who is MP for Doncaster North and several milibands taller than me, and George Layton who, if you're of my generation, basically wrote every sitcom you watched in the seventies, acted in a lot of them, has treaded the boards in the West End as Fagin among many roles, written some very good books...and in between all that, somehow managed to find time to be the voice of the Tetley Tea man as well. Which, if you're not of my generation, won't mean a thing to you but trust me, it would be like you meeting Tony the Tiger from the Frosties ads. (Sorry George, I couldn't resist...)















Oh, by the way, in case you're wondering who those dangerous looking ladies are at the top of this post, they are, from the top: Germaine Greer, Patti Smith and Vivienne Westwood. Find out more about them if you want to. I'm not as old as any of them yet, but I admire them all in different ways and I hope I grow old as disgracefully as they all have, God love 'em. And none of them could be accused of being nice.

Good Intentions







This is how most of my emails and letters to fans begin:

'I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to write...'

And it does; it takes me ages. So I'm writing this blog as a general grovelling apology to all of you who are currently waiting for a reply/did wait a long time, then got bored and went off me completely/are now twenty-seven years old and not really interested any more. It's still January, just (have you ever noticed how January lasts approximately three times as long as the other months?) so I will stick my neck out and say I'm making a New Year resolution to get up-to-date with my fan mail, and stay that way. There, I've said it. No going back now: I'm committed.

Here are some other bad habits I'm going to ditch: eating cake, sleeping at all the wrong times of the day, eating cookies, avoiding stuff, drinking Champagne, and cheating.
















Still on the subject of mail, a recent one (I'm going to answer soon, really I am!) says:

"I was wondering if you were going to write a book , that actually is The Apple Star. I think that it would a good idea if you wrote it because, I for one who likes the Lulu Baker Trilogy, definitely buy the book. Just an idea I had. Tell me if you like by replying."

Big thanks to Whitney Duggan from Australia for this question, as it reminds me that I also need to update my FAQs. Because this question comes up a lot – Whitney, it's a great idea: so great in fact, that many other people have also come up with it! Including me. For anyone vague of memory, or who STILL hasn't read my Lulu Baker trilogy (you haven't?!), let me explain: The Apple Star is Lulu's magic recipe book. I 'quote' from it frequently throughout the trilogy, though of course the book is a figment of my imagination (though I also get mail from readers who ask where they can buy it, so I'm quite flattered by that!) The recipes are also made from ingredients that don't exist.

I would have fun writing such a book – though I think I would want to team up with a researcher. But, lovely idea though it is, my publishers have yet to be convinced. Maybe if the Telly Thing (see previous blog posts) becomes a big success, leading to massively increased sales of my Lulu Baker books – maybe then they'll think it's worth doing. So I'm not giving up hope. Of course, if I DO write it, it will be necessary for me to experiment with lots of cake and cookie recipes. In fact, I'd better get in practice now, just in case, and taste them as I go along.

Lots of people ask me HOW I write. They ask me WHERE I write, and if they don't know me from a hole in the ground, they might even ask me WHAT I write. But one question that doesn't tend to come up is WHY I write. Which I suppose is fair enough: it might seem a bit rude to ask that, as if they're saying, 'what do you want to go and do that for?' or 'must you persist with that annoying habit?' But it is a question I sometimes ask myself, and at this point I find I have noticed a pattern. Going over the seven novels I've published to date (I'm cheating slightly here, as I'm counting the one that's out in May, Tiger Lily Gold. Break out the Champagne!) it seems that I write about stuff instead of doing it. So with the Lulu Baker books I was writing about cake instead of baking; with Toonhead, I was writing about art instead of drawing, and with the Silk Sisters books I was writing about fashion instead of creating my own designs. All things that I'd like to do, but which I've been channeling into my chosen art form, because I can't be a celebrity chef and a great artist and a famous fashion designer. Oh, or save the world from corporate greed (there's quite a bit of that in Silk Sisters too).

Whew! I'm exhausted just from thinking about all that, so I think I'll have to go and have a lie down.

I know what you're thinking: isn't she going to lead on to what's coming next? Gosh, is that the time? I've got to go.

Erm. You may have spotted some broken resolutions along the way here. But I PROMISE you, I won't break the one about answering my fanmail :-).

Books For Keeps

No, this is not a piece about the magazine, though incidentally it's a great read. This is a very seasonal post about chucking stuff out. Or, um, not.

I can be an enthusiastic chucker-out, but I like to think I know what to hang onto. In this respect I have not yet turned into my mother, who I never forgave for getting rid of my Beatles yellow submarine. OK, I'm over it now. But my point is, beware; there's always the danger that you or your parents might become over-zealous and get rid of something irreplaceable.

The subject is uppermost in my mind because I'm in the midst of a clear-out myself right now. Here are some things I have come across:












How that armband came to be attached to the hanger is a particular mystery to me. Perhaps I should call it Art and have it installed in a gallery somewhere in Hoxton...nah. Bin it, along with the lost Spiderman's head and the random detached limbs and footwear.

Books, though; they're a different matter. My kids are long past the picture book phase, but there are plenty that I hang onto, either because:

a) they have sentimental value;
b) they are just lovely objects;
c) they are signed by the author;
d) they are signed by the illustrator;
e) they are hilarious;

...or, if I'm really lucky, all of the above. Some are American (since both my kids were born in New York) and so have titles like Max Grover's The Accidental Zucchini (that's "courgette" to you and me – which would explain why this book was never published in the UK; it's an A-Z book).

Some of them, to be honest, I probably bought more for myself than for my kids. This is true of Maira Kalman's books (page from Max in Hollywood, Baby left). They're a bit wordy and tricksy for bedtime reading; nevertheless you can see she's having loads of fun, and it's infectious. And the artwork is fantastic. I am a big fan; alas, none of my copies of her books is signed by the author/illustrator; somebody please tell her!

Another artist-who-writes-children's-books is Sara Fanelli, of whom I am completely in awe (I have ONE signed copy). Her books really are works of art; here is a page from her book Dear Diary (right). What can I say? these people are doing what I might have done if I'd ever stuck it out at art college and found a style to stick with.

Still with the books-I-really-bought-for-myself, we have Bernard Stone's mouse books, which are out of print now. In fact I bought these before I ever had kids. They were illustrated by Ralph Steadman; here's a detail from Quasimodo Mouse, featuring Hunter Hipmouse, which my adult readers will recognise as being based on a certain gonzo journalist:

Very mischievous, that: sneak in a reference to your gun-toting, drug-addled maniac friend!

OK, back to favourite stories. I have hung on to Esphyr Slobodkina's Caps for Sale, because it is hilarious and a complete one-off. First published in 1940, it's about a lone travelling cap salesman who falls asleep under a tree. When he wakes up, he finds the caps gone; looking up, he sees that the tree is full of monkeys, each wearing a cap. How he gets them back is ingenious.



















Simplicity is all in such books. I absolutely love Harold and the Purple Crayon, by Crockett Johnson. This is another vintage title, first published in 1955. With his purple crayon, Harold is able to enter his own drawings (you know, like you do). He goes on a journey on a road of his own creation (what a great piece of philosophy there!), makes a forest – a small one, with just one tree. And a dragon, which he's then afraid of, so his crayon shakes, creating water that he then falls into – but then he's able to rescue himself by drawing a boat! My favourite line in this book is the one where, having created a picnic consisting only of pie (but all nine kinds of pie that Harold likes best), he has lots of leftovers, "so Harold left a very hungry moose and a deserving porcupine to finish it up". I especially like the deserving porcupine.

Then there are illustrated editions of favourite classic tales. I have hung onto lots of those. The Steadfast Tin Soldier, Little Red Riding Hood, Fin M'Coul, Rumpelstiltskin, The Musicians of Bremen...great illustrated versions of all.

But even some of the best of these go out of print. They are collector's items; save them!

I'll finish with an image from Wendy Smith's The Lonely, Only Mouse, because this was also a favourite, and because Wendy is a very special person. She's a family friend, and was the one who first inspired me to have a crack at children's books – and introduced me to her publisher, Caroline Roberts, who became my own first publisher. Thank you, Wendy!

















I shall never part with these books.

Three Christmas Wishes

Season's greetings and all that stuff. I'm finally starting to feel a bit Christmassy, and doing a spot of shopping and general faffing. In return, here's what I would like for Christmas:

1. I want Woolies not to close. Here I am being a complete hypocrite, for two reasons: firstly, I hardly ever shop there. I just want it to be there, because it's always been there, and I'll miss it if it goes. It's the place I go to for Seasonal stuff: those Lindt bunnies at Easter, emergency picnic plates in the summer, Halloween masks in October, and in the winter nice cheap Christmas wrapping paper. Besides, I find it hard to imagine a world without Pic`n'Mix.

The second reason is that it's all my fault they've got into financial trouble, because one Saturday afternoon in 1973 I nicked some Outdoor Girl eyeshadow from one of their stores. I'm sorry.


2. Still on the subject of shop closures (these are hard times!) I want no more independent bookshops to close. And let's face it, if we don't all make a point of buying things from them, they might. We recently lost one in our neighbourhood, because its landlord decided one day to multiply the rent by three. It closed several months ago and guess what? The shop is still empty. Well, that's doing a power of good to the neighbourhood, isn't it?

We NEED independent bookshops. The best ones become a hub of the community, like the Big Green Bookshop in Wood Green does, by inviting local authors to hold book launches in them, give readings to kids from local schools and that sort of thing. Bookworm and The Children's Bookshop are also great for children's events. Hurrah for them!

The greatest ever shop of this sort was the Turret Bookshop that used to be on Lamb's Conduit Street, WC1 (and previous incarnations as well, but that was before my time). Here are some of the people who were regulars there: Carol Ann Duffy, Satoshi Kitamura, Ralph Steadman, Brian Patten, Christopher Logue...and plenty of star-struck nobody hangers-on like me. As you will know if you've checked out my website, I did get to have a book launch there all of my very own (18 years ago!) but the only people who came were my mates, who I then forced to buy copies of my picture book, even though they didn't have any kids. Or know any. Ah, happy memories! Long may there be booksellers with the wit and imagination to do this sort of thing.

3. I want plenty of music. Christmas carols, all that stuff, I love it. Bring on the sleigh bells and the schmaltz. The three most-played albums at Christmas time in this household are:

Elvis Presley, The Wonderful World of Christmas
His Merry Christmas Baby is, without a doubt, the best Christmas song ever.

Bach Christmas Cantatas
One word: heavenly.

...And the one I'm going to tell you about now. For four years, from 2002 until 2006, a friend of mine and her husband got together and wrote and recorded some Christmas songs, which they then sent out in CD form to their friends. Alas, 2006 was the last year as by Christmas 2007 my dear friend was dead. Her name was Siobhan Dowd and in her short life she shot to literary stardom with her novels A Swift, Pure Cry and The London Eye Mystery; Bog Child was published posthumously, and Solace of the Road is out next year. I'm not going to give a biography of any sort here, but do follow the link to read more about her.ANYWAY: lots of people know about her literary talent, but far fewer know what a great singer she was. So go and take a listen to these songs; I'm sure they will brighten your Christmases as they have ours. Floating Snowflakes, in particular, brings me out in goosepimples. I was too sad to listen to her voice last Christmas; this year I definitely will, and raise a glass in her memory.

Merry Christmas!